Repetitive Life~~

Dear journal,

Recently I'm hving conflicts with myself again...about who else you ask? Perhaps it's cause you're the first...which is why I have feelings a tad more special for you.

Also, I'm torn between keeping a private journal like you..or just keeping my heart and soul locked up in pen and ink...or opening up my feelings in a blog where people have excess to it ? (unless i private it)

I'm all jumbled...dentistry or mass comm? Pursue my dreams and die of hunger? Or continue what my mum wants me to do? OR I can always try my best in mass comm and NOT die of hunger...choices..choices....

~ Sometimes, nothing in the world matters...because I have you...and you have me ~

A school 6.471 times older than me..

Coming here for the first time ten years ago,
Wide-eyed and innocent
With knees knocking together
My fingers clutching mummy's skirt
While I throw a tantrum
About teddy all alone at home

Then being separated by a teacher
Who took us around the school
Touring the toilets
And the canteen
While mummy and daddy followed quietly
I entered my first class

It's been ten years since
I can understand what teachers say perfectly well now
As I'm about to enter adulthood
Yet I don't understand,
Why a school 6.471 times older than me
Can still stand up tall and proud
At the top of a pineapple hill.

~ Time and tide waits for no man ~

Sometimes...I can really feel my eyelids drooping and my mind going blank. Yet, I wouldn't  go to bed..cuz I'm doing sumting that I'm interested in or I'm simply too lazy to do anything else. I want to stop procrastinating...and I will...tomorrow XD

Friends come and go...my inner circle's thinning. Or is it thickening? J and S's relationship is deteriorating..they won't tell important things to one another sometimes..and J hurt S so badly. I hate myself for interfering...me and my big mouth. I think I even messed up Lh n J's friendship. THX FOR NOTHING!!!!

Seriously...I sincerely hope that the both of them will settle that stupid thing once and for all. Perhaps make me less worried and take that headache away.

Nyways, gratitude goes out to joy, kt, sher and yee for listening out to me (a completely diff case for joy)

~ Call me greedy, but I want more time together ~

started skul after millions of holidays( nearly every single monday ^.^), chinese new year break ( i was sick for the whole bloody week and took over tiffany's bed and her dad's panadol lol), thaipusam, tuitions, valentines day, pra-sukans, first exams....whoooosh. february's a hectic month thanks to our brilliant government who decided to hold the intervensi this month instead of next..and i've just finished all intervensis for this month...if I don't get an A1 for maths, i should reli die. 28th is another date to look out for...annual sports day. gawwwd i ran for adele - yes i noe i'm semangat XD - for prasukan in stadium bola sepak cheras...its the place where we held our sports day 2 yrs ago.

i actually only took part for 200m..somehow i ended up being a reserve for 4x400m...i didn't bother to change it cuz i was just a reserve. Aaand guess wud? kat said alana pulled out...so i gotta run..WTH!!! nvr even joined all these sports events before in highschool and suddenly 200m and 4x400m??? What the hell what the hell what the hell.... kt said she can take my place...but teac say NO @@ die lor me....btw, got 4th/5th for 200m =P

so i was 2nd runner...lisha first, shu wern 3rd, rupini 4th...my turn OMG freakkkkin scared wei...even worse than my own solo event...goddamn whole round of football field siao~ lucky lisha put this huge gap between all the othas ^^ i was sooo far ahead of other 2nd runners hehehe bangganye...we so sure we're getting first dammit...-then bugger u soleha-..she friggin caught up with rupini hu was almost at the finishing line .........that girl is too good. In the end, aidan was saved by soleha and our teamwork made us 2nd..ah well better than nothing.

then went bak to skul for phys n bi intervensi =.=''

cant believe i'm actually saying this but physicks is waaayy better than bio ...damn

sry hafiz...i cant let u invade my privacy just yet

~ I don't want you to avoid me...and yet I find myself avoiding you ~

new year, new dreams, new visions...Resolutions are to be made and kept. Responsibilities to be done. What a year..and i've just started school...damn. Obsessions are coming up..and i already find myself losing friends

sorry once again..things are..more complicated as I try to get you out of my life. I'm sleepy and i dont have the mood anymore.

As I've said earlier...i don't like goodbyes..especially when it's someone I'm close with..a dear friend.

I called thrice...you told me you'd call me back. We did a farewell...it didnt went as well as we planned...but we had fun..

Dear Sher,

i wanted to wish you a good life and please take good care of yourself and until we meet next time, you are..truly..one of my greatest friend. All i get now is just...shermaine yu ju nn on msn..i'll miss the flesh and blood you..i'll miss the jokes that u make..i'll miss us..i'll miss your shoulder...i'll miss your voice...i'll miss you by my side.

You were my teacher and i was your student...

I cant cry now..it seems dry..

its sunday...and i'm feeling guilty. This entry today will be devoted to you..and I'm sorry about the things that I did. I shouldn't have encouraged you and let you down. The way i'm talking to you now is obvious what I'm trying to do isn't it? Things will be better if you let go.. things that you've heard from other's mouth might hurt you and make you feel guilty. Please don't be..it's not exactly your fault..more to my parents' and mine. Don't be mad at yourself...be mad at me if you want to..trust me...this is better for everyone. I just wanna be friends and this might hurt me and you...I've had feelings once..but I denied it..our hearts cannot rule us..when it does, things will get complicated. I'm sorry.


~ My guilty conscience and you...it's a tough choice. ~

woke at 8 - yes again -  mum's got dancing - yes again - finished Hexwood...ate a brilliant breakfast of luncheon meat n bread keke.

went to my last day of amateur journalism...wen early for a change...reached at 12.48 and saw kenneth, daniel, charlie and chrysty. Chatted with chrysty and met her cute 3 yr old bro. Darn cute that nicholas hee~

sorted out wudever things that needs to be completed...I ended doing the layout of 'Teen's Talk' with shinaa...charlie in charge of taking pictures lol !! Picking out my brains to stuff all the things we said in ONE SINGLE PAGE OF MICROSOFT WORD @@ siao man..goddamn bangga when everything's in ^^

around the end, we sorted everyting out and the paper's first copy ever is in the copy maching wee~~~ everyone was kinda fooling liao..'cept for poor mrs T heh...printed the first page with chrysty but it wasnt used. Then there's snacks haha...chipsmore and pringles...hafiz choked on pringles i think..and we're all attacking him

hafiz : *choking alot.cant open his mouth*

chrysty : DUN DIE

fio : HERE

all : LOL

whipped out my camera and started taking pics...

GYAHAHAA shy hafiz

TUG -OF-WAR

random shot

PEPA!~

kenneth / wi kiat

"THE Newspaper" daily newspaper crew ^^

went bak to mum's shop...tkd after that..busy, busy day

dang...sir ikaku n master ganging up on me...cant focus =.=

~ Every meeting has a farewell...but that doesn't mean I have to like it. ~

started my days VERY early this whole week @@ slept at 2 yesterday..panda eyes are beginning to show again. But I got most of the report done yesterday so am kinda relaxed. NOT. as usual, followed mum to shop, she went dancing and i went report typing heh. CALLED MASTER OMG !!! cant believe i really did it...crap i hope all my Q & A in the paper is ok..master said he wants to put it up. i. am. so. DEAD.

mum said she'd call at 12+ to hv lunch with me. 12.43 had just passed by and she hadn't. and me? i was so caught up in Hexwood, i didn't really notice the time. called her thrice i tink..
1st time - couldnt gt through
2nd time - no one answering
3rd time - same old answering machine

she came up then and scolded me. Yep, its my fault and not hers...ironic isn't it?

left for lorna whiston's at 12.58...walked in utter silence....reached about 1.02 met chrysty - surprisingly, i'm stil not late lol - shinaa was late again..we counted this time hahaha..

*shinaa arrives*

all : LOL

p : 11 mins late!

mrs t  : not quite pepa...she's only about...9 mins late

Thought i left my pendrive at mum's shop..dug around my bag..until i found it. But i told mrs T i left it =.= anyways, took my pendrive, finished my report, edited for shinaa, talked abit. Did my advert lol..its about a latest dance studio which is supposed to be "The Thing" at the Big Apple...and it's name is Jazz Hams haha. Did my teen talk also...and then..right before we dismiss..forgot my pendrive again and had to run out and get it ... AGAIN hmph..went home..nuting much..kinda bored....

~ What you do is none of my business...don't tell me what you're gonna do ~

My god...I actually got up at 7.30 today >.< WHY?!?!?!? Cause my mum's got her dancing class, that's why. So gotta follow her loh...I'm the first person in her shop wee~~

Bathed (yes i found a baby cockroach while bathing EEK), ate and finished 'If You Could See Me Now", did tkd report and sum other tings as well, then around 10, May came in and I wasn't alone anymore. Continued until 12 and followed mum go ta pau 'pan mee' and 'tau foo fah' hehe.
LOL rushed to lorna whiston's again...it's becoming a habit but thank god I'm not late this time...but guess whu was late? SHINAA!!

S : SO SRY I WAS 6 MINS LATE

All : LOL

P : u actually counted??

typed in news report from yesterday..is editing my story allowed? shh... then continued tkd report...didn't went too far..lotsa distractions from chrysty (sp?) and pepa..went on friendster haha and nearly gt caught by Mrs T heh. Based on pepa and chrysty's HORRORscopes, somewhere out there, there's a pyscho holding a knife and calling my name...LMFAO

returned "if you could see me now" honestly, I'm considering to buy that book..it's reli gud...I mean, I cried reading it and I JUZ LOVE IT!!!!! Told mrs. T abt the storyline...damn proud...she told me "Tq for sharing information about your book with such insight into the deeper meaning the author was trying to share." heee ^^

traded emails wid pepa n hafiz...stu hafiz went n opened my frenster acc in front of that amman kid...damn embarassing man...browsing through my pics ....grr... then went back inside to vote for the name of our paper...I nominated TEENZ RULES NEWS and pepa wid her lol jokes said THE NEWSPAPER..it was really funny so i voted for it heh. And guess wud? it got 6 votes HAH. I say, the atmosphere's kinda different after the comp room incidents..more laughter and noices...guess the ice finally melt lol.

Went back to mum's place alone again...then tkd later. Went to dojang around 8.15, lights were offed, windows locked. Called sir and he said ian's got the key..went back to downstairs of mum's shop, sat in the car for god knows how long, called ian (phone sot again dammit) called mun yee and her phone's offed, called yee ling and no one picked up the phone. Started to rain so called mum to come down and close windows. Went over to dojang again, everyone there dy =.= super swt..i was the 1st to arrive bt the last to enter the dojang. Circuit exercise, flying side kicks and photo shoot session =P


Dojang's wall

mun yee's 180 degree chopping kick

sir kin loong's super high flying side kick >.<

after that, hurried my interview with sir cuz dad was getting impatient downstairs..i have a sixth sense for it. said bye-byes and went into car. darn...i should hv saw it cming then.

D : why must call that ian to come?

Me : then you wan us 3 girls only?

D : call other black belts la

Me : u think i didn't? They didn't want to come so what else can i do?

D : *silenced*


~ Believe me, I really wanted him out of my life. Thanks for doubting me. ~

Gosh....i'm so semangat at updating this few days...hahaha...i'm proud =P

woke up first thing in the morning for the LAST accounts class this year (YESSS !!!) went to skul...i forgot that they're still hving SPM..so was kinda shocked to see so many people in the hall heh. Sat there for 2 and a half hours, walked to masjid jamek with elaine, kat n amira and discovered that they finally opened the bloody main door hahahaha - after nearly 1 year -

took a bus to tmn tun..reached there nearly 12...rushed up to mum's place, rushed down to buy food, rushed my bath, rushed my lunch, rushed my journey to journalism @@ all the way until 4...i even rushed my news report lol. AHHH loved my original report actually.."Honeymoon Ends In Blood"  it was about a gay couple on their honeymoon and one guy discovered that while he was out, his spouse had a girl on their bed...so bloodiness and gore aplenty...stupid of me to ask teacher whether or not if gay couples are included in my report. So that first story got turned down...and i had to change my chars...eeyer lost the twist to the story liao. sobz. and the twist was supposed to be a gay guy having an affair with a girl...

went back to mum's shop myself of course...then decided that i'll definitely interview kin loong. Saw him online and immediately bombarded him HAH. and like always, he's terribly evasive. haihz..gonna bug him tmr again dang it.


~ Unfairness? I only wanted company...it's your choice I guess...forget that I ever asked... ~

On the road to be a budding young journalist of the year.....my foot. Today's the first journalist class I'm attending in Lorna Whiston's language centre. Not too bad at the beginning...was slightly nervous of course..faham-fahamla, I come from a convent..no direct approach from many guys before. Started with ice breaking ceremony where we're required to play a game like charades. Two teams were formed and i'm in group 2. Guess what? First word was banana =.= and i missed it...only heard something about 'fruit' lol

after a while, we got the hang of the game and the victorious team was.....MINE !!! kekeke not too bad thx to pepa..heh i got 'coffin' as the word once and 'rock' as the other. Then discussed abit about the paper..shared The Star with errh..Hafiz rite? Liftouts are decided and there's a arts,culture and education part where I'm supposed to cover a taekwondo interview (WTH??) I only have myself to blame anyway...me and my big mouth dammit.

Mrs T : Any ideas Fiona?

Me : errh...

P : *whispers* Martial arts

Me : serious ar? kay den.. MARTIAL ARTS

T : Ohh ok den do you do any martial arts?

Me : Yeea...taekwondo just in this area.

T : Lovely!! You could interview your instructor then.

Me : ........sure..........

Loaned 'If you could see me now' from the center and chatted with my juniors a while then (eh i'm the oldest again pfft)

3hrs is abit too long..spent the last 15mins touring the comps there and their toilet. LOL turns out there was a toilet on the same floor and i travelled all the way downstairs to use their public toilet there =.= swt.

Walked back to mum's place after that and tried to finish accounts homework..then dad called say he's downstairs to pick me up. Went home, continue accounts, read a tad bit of 'career girls' and 'if you could see me now', and went for dinner. Here i am now...wondering what's up next and if i can endure the rest of it.

~ I can't be what I'm not...I can only try my best and keep my distance away from the distractions. ~

GAAH didn't wanna go to skul tday so i tried talking abt ponteng-ing to dad yesterday nite...1st time i tried, bro interfered and dad asked me to just go skul. I WONT GIV UP!!!! So tried 2nd time with better results kekeke...i'm allowed to ponteng then and decided to finish Millie's Fling, which i read until 12am. At precisely 5.59am this morning, dad woke me up...

D : "girl better go to skul tday la...later mum scold if ponteng" P/S : mum's in japan

Its not about sleeping in late or hving the whole computer to myself...it's the promise that counts. Don't promise me if you cant fulfil it...dissapointments are hard

No choice loh...woke up and prepared. Reached skul and got bombarded by yann lin hu came..surprise, surprise. Apparently her mum disallowed her to ponteng..heh nearly same case. So i've got her n she's got me...other attendees are mich, celyn, ain, alia, atikah, sughi, rai and deborah..4 outta 10 are prefects and atikah was late..so only 5 person was queing up during assembly... ish malunye everyone staring...

So the usual lalala~ until 12 plus...

Girl : "Is there a fiona liew from 4u here?"

Shot my hand up

Girl : "Pn Ann wants to see you" (!!!!!! WTH!!!!)

and there i was, pondering why on earth my headmistress wants to see me...turns out that she's got an english course offered to her by some fella and she wants me to go...and guess wad? I'm the lucky one coz i stay at kelana jaya...swt..sorry gotta let ya down pn ann, i've got a journalist class at lorna whiston and i've paid a hefty amount for it..there's no way i'll let that go to waste.

~ Can I trust you again? Please don't let me down..it hurts..alot ~

Couldn't sleep at all last night. Having hot flashes is NOT fun especially when there's this annoying mosquito beside ur ear. Grrr...spoil my mood jer. Got up at 8 plus den went for breakfast, lalala~ picked up jw,shi,sher n kt at kelana station den went to cineleisure to show some love (ahem) and support to our beloved F1 gurls, joy,mich,deborah and sham. Dun worry dears, even if you all cant make it, we still love ya. Went over to the Curve to have lunch then merayau abit cuz dad nt free to fetch us yet =.=

Merayau somemore...cineleisure actually damn boring...then dad arrived so shi n sher went to ikea, since sher's mum is determined to get her washing sponge frm ikea LOL. So went to mum's shop while dad sent jw n kt to kelana station and walked to dojang haha i'm not alone tday ^^ thank god for mun yee.

Kin loong conducted class tday..my legs feel unattatched after stretchings >.< but he's sooo much better than mr bond n sir timothy...




Darn...i know i'm supposed to avoid you..but i'm afraid of being alone. It's unfair to you..and i'm sorry.

It's the jamuan deeparaya tday hee~ the only drawback was that we couldn't use our beloved 4U class sobz. Anyhow, it's been really fun and since it's sher's last class party in msia, ITS GOTTA BE A BLAST !!!

Brought the brownies from Secret Recipe with the message to sher : "Wish you all the best in Australia. Don't forget us, Love 4U" and there's a bunny piccy eheh..my drawing sux so bad, the guy dun even noe wud he's drawing >.<

We played, we laughed, we went crazy, we made memories for everyone...it's the last 4u party..next year, things will be different and people will change. Darn..emoness again =.= nyways, opened mun yee's sparkling wine (my bday present) and that was the funniest part haha. Kit ting n vanni tried to pop it open and wet everyone else. They twisted and turned and pulled...bt no success..haih why so lemah de both of u? Then LISHA came...she twist a few times..and 'pop', no overflowing juice but a surprised lisha holding the cork and the rest of us staring LOL

KT pulling at the cork lol

Me n mun yee's wine


doughnuts and cakes

So we ate, and ate, and ate more...stuffed ourselves silly and blasted music, playing hostess to the many visitors to our class...and thats it..in the end, everyone had lotsa fun and its great class bonding. We sang songs after everything was cleared up...then i went home. Went tkd l8er in the day..got whacked hard in the leg by mun yee..kicked ian hard in the balls again >.< (I AM SO SORRRRYY) den home again...

Realised that I had to do this...its hard but I dont want you to get hurt further..won't be easy at first. However, I know I'm willing to try.

~ Every sweet will come to an end. When it does, the bitterness can be tasted. ~

Looking through closed eyelids
Akanai mabuta kosutte mieru
At a pastel patterened future
Pastel moyou no mirai ni
Persuing scattered codes
Chiribamerareta kigou wo tadoru
Pulling up facial expressions
Taburi yoseta hyoujou
Hey, what was it that we were looking for again?
Nee, nandake sagashiteita mono
That's right, exactly when were those days
Are wa sou ne  itsudakke
when we used to meet,
Bokura ga inryouku ni sakarainagara deatta koro
denying the attraction that was forming between us?

It was like a waltz, mysterious
Sore wa waltz no youda ne fushigi sa
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
Sasayaku youna komorebi no kousaten de
While they spun around as if waltzing
Futari waltz no youni ne mawarinagara
They were expressing something
Egakidashite yuku mono

All their thoughts were beyond warm
Atatamesugita omoi wo zenbu
The spit out landscape has been
Hakidashite mieru landscape
Smoldering for over half a year
Hantoshi ijou kusuburaseteru
Bring light to the image
Image ni hi wo tomoshite
What was it you lost
Nandakke nakushite shimatta mono
But still it's ok
Sore demo iindatte
Our gravity allows us to seek the comparisons
Bokuro no inryoku de hikiai motome au no darou

That was like a waltz, beautiful
Sore wa waltz no youda ne suteki sa
While listening to some muttered chirps
Tsubuyaku youna saezuri kikinagara
It was like a waltz as those two
Maru de waltz no youni ne futari ga
Were expressing something
Egakidashite yuku mono

Ah,
Reality is playing dumb as we repaint it in primary colors
Toboketa genjitsu mo Genshoku de nurikaete shimae
I'll bring it closer to you
Hikiyosete ageru kara ne
From there let's continue dancing
Soko kara odori tsudzukeyou
A waltz just for us
Futari dake no waltz

It was like a waltz, mysterious
Sore wa waltz no youda ne fushigi sa
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
Sasayaku youna komorebi no kousaten de
While they spun around as if waltzing
Futari waltz no youni ne mawarinagara
They were expressing something
Egakidashite yuku mono
~~~~~
I just love this song WEE~

Forgive me for being so emo in the last post...it's hard knowing that she'll be leaving us soon. I've never been one to fully adapt to people leaving my side...I guess i just have to get used to it now.

It's been a mellow day..save for a few events like me hitting the science lab table REALLY hard to chase some monkeys away during biology XD..then ain-chan went and label me as kawaii to kowaii LOL

P.S. i'm jz trying to save the lab okay...

so..got bak add math and bio paper tday..darn dropped so much for add math sobz. A1 to C5 @@ i'm so toasted..bye bye new phone~

Nothing much to say now..so i'll jz leave things be and go on watching honey and clover

Nevermind me..nevermind you..I'll miss you no matter where and what you are..

Losing a dear friend is never a nice experience...but what has happen, has happened.

Appreciating family and friends..never leaving them unless its for a good reason..

Keeping in touch..never losing faith..it's been nice knowing you.

Sayonara, watashi no kokoro no tomodachi..

Another crazy day in my class. Ehehe managed to bully pn A into leaving us alone so no maths hwk tday ^^..got briefing on bio paper 3 after recess so was reli sleepy throughout the whole thing. Sher was poking my back the whole time hehe..our convo :-

Sher : *poke,poke* OMG I CAN FEEL YOUR BONES

Me : heh? got meh? *tried feeling (slightly above butt)*

Sher : there..no meat de..spine there still got abit

Me : got meat la haiyo...

Sher : mine got but yours dun have *dragged yann lin into convo* and we were distracted frm pn C's continuous rumble...

Then we returned to our class to have sej (aihz no semangat adi) until suddenly everyone started going 'high' lol. Made lotsa noises, shouted, shushed (for fear any teac might come in and dump us with naggings), danced, took pictures -courtesy of mich and joy- and etc....then we elected the board directors of 4U Single Club..how I end up getting the title Married, I shall never know -.-

After that, I left sher with my books and went to canteen for robotic's committee meeting..decided a couple of activities and went for taekwondo. Paired up wit mich >.< lucky not sparring...left at 3+ for kasturi with pearl li and elaine..ate nelson's waffles heehee..am very satisfied..until now...currently confused and annoyed at myself

It's been a tiring month..hving the robotic's competition is something i will never do again @@. FINALLY finished the whole thing and landed in 29th position (there's 67 teams)...I also realised that I have lost my chem books...damned